In my journey, I’ve been blessed to meet dozens (if not hundreds) of people who escaped similar abusive religious beliefs as I did. For each, their relationship with faith has been as unique as their own stories, ranging from those who only subtly adjusted their views, to those who see God as weapon for control, to those who don’t believe in him (her!) at all.
I wrote JUDAS GIRL for all of them.
The last chapter of JUDAS GIRL is titled “Footprints in the Asphalt,” a play on the poem “Footprints in the Sand” that is often quoted among Christian circles, including many of the groups I grew up in. For those not familiar, the poem describes an individual walking on the beach who looks back and during the easy times sees God’s and their footprints next to each other, but during hard times observes only one set of prints. When they ask God why he abandoned them in those times, God replies, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Dodging spoilers, there is a scene in this chapter where, during one of my many runs on a hot and winding paved path, I face down many of my emotional demons. At that moment, I realize that I am not alone, nor is my healing just for me. I see the souls of those intertwined with my past running alongside me and giving me strength. No, my path isn’t in the sand; it’s a very different path than I was taught to expect as a child. But no matter how lonely, I was never alone.
Depending on who you are, you may see God in that scene. Or you may see dogma replaced by individual wholeness and healing. Or both. But I want you to experience that scene in a way that resonates with your own life journey.
JUDAS GIRL is unabashedly filled with uncomfortable scenes of religious abuse and doesn’t sugarcoat toxic religions, but it also doesn’t attack faith as a concept. On the other hand, it doesn’t attempt to replace toxic religion with a new set of rules or belief systems. If you’ve experienced religious abuse, you’ve had enough of that. My goal is to show you my story without telling you it should be yours.
So, is JUDAS GIRL a Christian story?
If you’re a person of faith, you may interpret it as such. But on the other hand, if you’ve stepped away from religion, you won’t find any dogma or dieties hunting you. My goal is for every reader to be able to carry away a little of my healing with them, viewed through the lens they need in that moment, free of judgment, rules, or expectations.